Thursday, September 15, 2011

Not a great day, not the worst

My trouble sleeping has been getting worse and it's beginning to make me feel a bit desperate. I can't sleep--or feel like I can't sleep--without medication but I also don't want to be dependent on medication. Simultaneously, i cannot wait to get on ADD medication because i think it might, ultimately, help with my energy issues and my anxiety about getting stuff done. sooo there's that!

i've also been thinking a lot about how i frame my life and what i feel is missing. i still feel like i'm missing a huge spiritual component to my life. i always had one, but honestly it was kind of ground out of me through my twenties, through active and passive discouragement and ridicule. i now find a voice within myself skeptical of the need for spiritual fulfillment... and yet i feel that need. i know not everyone has it or needs it, but i do and i think i need to learn to honor that need and my own individual demands.

i picked up a book on chakras and yoga today because through my teens and twenties yoga was a pretty consistent part of my life and self-care (and self-regulation!) routine. i think i need to reinforce my needs through viewing and reading things that inspire me, not just in an abstract eat, pray, shove sort golly gee i am soooo inspired but in ways that acknowledge who i am and what i need out of life.

anydoot, i'm not feeling great today but looking forward to my psychodrama class this weekend. i am also making bento mold eggs! sean & i bought the bunny & bear set (god, even those words are so cuuuute) yesterday after class at porter exchange, and i'm making some now. i already broke two eggs a bit, but whatever, this is a trial batch.

i really love making pretty edibles and this is another, little, way i can nourish myself and enjoy a bit of creativity. i really want to make the star wars cookies as my dad bought the cookie cutters for me this summer and i loveloveloveLOVELOVE decorating cookies. it makes my back ache from leaning over and my head hurt from eyestrain, but lord i love making them. i remember when i first starting decorating cookies (i'm actually way less into it than i used to be!) i made a batch of monet waterlily cookies. they were very pretty, even though i hadn't perfected the recipe yet, and i want to set aside the time to really hyperfocus and get hella into making some pretty pretty things that--best of all--i can give to people and make everybody happy!

wait that's probably pathological. oh who cares, i have cookie disorder and no shame.

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