I wonder what it's like to feel safe.

My life is so good now, and just about every day is rich in those things i treasure: knowledge, love, silliness, and compassion.

But...

My ex prided himself on his ability to find anything about anyone; their personal ads, secret blogs, confessions... he could not elicit these things through love & trust, but snooping was his key to the world.

Rarely, but every now & then, i have panic attacks about him. There is nothing i have done that i have not told Sean or my dear friends, but his ability to demean and humiliate me in front of those that love and admire me is still feared. This, even though my friends and family have told me that, even during his best efforts to degrade me, they respected me.

Someday i will feel safe, despite his best efforts. I deserve to feel safe & confident, every day, for the rest of my life.
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=video&cd=3&ved=0CDsQtwIwAg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DlqmORiHNtN4&rct=j&q=janelle%20monae&tbm=vid&ei=DPnyTc31EsXPgAf9793yCw&usg=AFQjCNGbCBq7ZyfIG_ELWwS4vKt_C5rv0Q&sig2=sz3Yx-T7n54oMHjzscKLaw